22 June 2003 21:54 [link]
the joy of spam
I've had the most amazing offers flooding into my inbox over the last 24 hours.
I'm well on the way to making over $1,500,000 per year through perfectly legal multi-level marketing schemes. There's an online casino who want to help me turn all that into even more money. But since the cash won't start rolling in for a little while, I'll remortgage a few times. Six to be precise.
Meanwhile, I have fourteen porn sites to look at - everything from hot teens to horny housewives - although I'll not spend much time there because I've got two guaranteed dates. (It seems the hypnosis lessons I requested won't be necessary.) I shall be impressing these young ladies with the free car I'm driving, the Flash logos on my web site (whose domain name I got at a bargain price) and my new Hulk watch.
"Two young ladies?" I hear you ask. Yes, two. But don't worry: the HGH is already making me younger and fitter, even while I sleep, and the massive amount of Viagra I've bought means that I'll need the services of that Chinese scaffolding supplier to support my 41" penis.
Now, I anticipate that these ladies will be constantly ringing me after our hot dates and so I was thinking of combining my new voice recognition software with my mobile phone (whose signal will be boosted by a total of 900%) and one of my two new handheld lie detectors and passing the results through my printer. Fortunately, I can get printer cartridges at a knockdown price along with a number of cartons of cigarettes. Would you like some cigarettes?
Now, I must go: there's an Iraqi businessman in Switzerland who wants to transfer some money to a charity supporting Iraqi children, and he'll give me 15% of the total funds in exchange for my assistance. I'd be a fool to turn him down! (Oh, only I wasn't supposed to talk about that one. Keep it under your hat, would you?)
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