10 July 2003 17:15 [link]
vertigo
I get vertigo sometimes. It usually manifests as the thought "what if this barrier I'm leaning on was to break?"
What's curious is that I still look over banisters and down stairwells, I still lean (albeit gingerly) on bridge parapets. And I always get this strange feeling in my knees - a sort of tingly, wobbly sensation. Sometimes I master the fear and I stay where I am. Sometimes I get a devil on my shoulder saying "Go on, jump".
This sometimes happens at other times: waiting for the Tube, crossing the road. I think, all things considered, it's a good thing. It reminds me that life is fragile, that any accident could befall at any time, and that I really, really like living. Maybe the feeling I get in my knees isn't vertigo at all. Maybe it's the thrill of not falling, of still being alive.
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